I have always been drawn to people who are silent, quiet, and seemingly unbothered by noise and clamor. There is a kind of restraint one carries when they have been refined by time. Taming the tongue is learned, I believe, because it reflects composure and calmness amidst chaos. But not all quietness pertains to being collected and composed. For some, it may be a byproduct of inflicted pain, trauma, emotional abuse, or simply a strategic understanding of when to speak and when not to.
To me, that is a kind of beauty that captivates and sparks curiosity, when someone is confident in restraint and measured in speech. I feel no intimidation at all, because the ability to tame the tongue speaks of wisdom. It creates a question mark around the mystery one carries.
If you grew up in the early 2000s, you might remember how report cards in public elementary schools would often have the classroom adviser’s remarks written at the back. Throughout my elementary years, I was consistently labeled “Most Talkative.” In Vacation Bible School, however, the kinder version was “Most Cheerful.” 🤣
As I reflect on this now, I realize that the educational system I grew up in sometimes restricted the multiple intelligences a child could foster instead of helping them develop and master their strengths. At first, I thought being outspoken was a negative thing because that label followed me until I finished grade school.
If my outspokenness had been developed through declamation or public speaking contests, perhaps it could have been an advantage early on. Instead of looking at it through the lens of victimhood, I eventually came to recognize that my outspokenness simply wasn’t appreciated or valued in that environment. Perhaps their preferences and measure of excellence were different at the time, especially in how they expected a young boy to behave and excel. What I once perceived as a weakness, I eventually learned to understand differently. In the silence of realizing that I didn’t quite belong or fit into their landscape of what it meant for a student to excel, I learned to use my voice more intentionally. I began to understand that perhaps I wasn’t meant to conform to their definition of excellence, but to discover how my own strengths could be cultivated and used well.
With cousins Ada, Marc, Xylerine and me :D
Being the outspoken one, I knew even then that my mouth would eventually lead me into places where I would discover my love for the art of selling. At an early age, I never realized that the entrepreneur in me was already beginning to form. I found it easy to strike up conversations with strangers and sell something to them. My energy for talking (HAHA! 😆) found its way into selling products as early as third grade. My motivation was simple: I wanted something for myself that I couldn’t ask my parents to buy for me.
It continued throughout high school. By my junior year at Benilde, I had started selling my fashion design services to people who needed custom clothing. By my senior year, I had landed three bridal gown orders. It was only the beginning of what God was starting to pave the way for, a love for weddings that would eventually become my niche today.
Photo by: Cy Custodio
I love how the Bible presents the tongue as something powerful, even describing it as a force capable of great destruction (James 3:5–6). Proverbs 17:28 even tells us that fools are considered wise when they remain silent. These passages give us a picture of how powerful the tongue can be when used in the right manner.
Furthermore, Scripture tells us:
“Death and life are in the power of the tongue,
And those who love it will eat its fruit.”
— Proverbs 18:21 NKJV
I have held onto this Scripture as I have begun to dig deeper into my walk with Jesus. There is weight in what we choose to speak and in how we use our words.
As someone who has been bullied and labeled, words are dear to me, and they impact me on a deep level. I constantly pray whenever the pain of the past tries to haunt me in moments of stillness, or whenever there are joyous moments when the enemy tries to steal my joy and peace through what was said in the past. I remind the enemy that his doom is already sealed, for the victory was already paid for at the cross. The blood of Jesus conquers it all.
Whenever triggers arise, or when I am pressed by situations or even by people, I try my best to calm down and seek the presence of God, asking Him to take control. For when words are uttered in anger, they can bear an impact not only on the receiver but even more so on the one who speaks them.
One way or another, I believe that we reap what we sow, and words are seeds being sown. One day, they will either bless us or bite us back.
What I mean by the biblical principle of sowing and reaping is this: Do we use our tongues to encourage rather than destroy?
Photo by: Cy Custodio
I have had my fair share of engaging in a culture of gossip, not until God had to discipline and rebuke me in front of the body of Christ. It was excruciatingly painful yet deeply humbling. But that experience ultimately set me free from a bondage I had allowed myself to participate in.
I had to personally ask for forgiveness from each person involved because it had almost caused division and chaos. Yet that moment became a turning point where God used my failure to answer one of my prayers.
Being outspoken also has its limits. I learned that the hard way, and I am now grateful to share how God rescued me. The spirit of gossip is heavy, destructive, and divisive.
The tongue is truly powerful. It can uplift someone or cut through their hope. If we aren’t careful with our words, we can dim another person’s confidence and composure through blatant comparison, expressions of hostility, anger, resentment, and envy.
Our speech truly captures the condition of our hearts. It reveals more of who we are, no matter how much we try to conceal things externally, whether through achievements, accolades, or whatever the eyes can see. No amount of external façade can permanently conceal the true condition of our souls. Eventually, it will leak out, no matter how carefully we try to control the externals.
I love how the Bible uses restraint in speech as a sign of wisdom:
“In the multitude of words sin is not lacking,
But he who restrains his lips is wise.”
— Proverbs 10:19 NKJV
“He who guards his mouth preserves his life,
But he who opens wide his lips shall have destruction.”
— Proverbs 13:3 NKJV
With Allen, the man God allowed me to partner with in bringing this blog to life. A vision I waited two years for, only to realize that all along, God had placed someone beside me to help bring it into existence.
This has been one of the pruning areas God has been dealing with in me this year. He has continually shown me what awaits those who lack self-control in their speech, and the irony of it is that I love words.
Yet God has been faithful to give me another outlet through this blog. I believe in the unique wiring God has intentionally placed within each of us. I find joy in telling stories and discussing things under the sun without feeling drained by it. At the same time, it has been humbling to realize that there is a proper time, audience, and context for when to speak and when to exercise restraint.
This also applies to how we handle the visions and dreams God has placed in our hearts. Speaking life through Scripture has helped me learn to control my tongue and discern when it is appropriate to share what God has been cultivating in me. Part of this is recognizing that not everyone is in the same season and learning to be sensitive to what others may be going through.
When we are in seasons of reaping, we naturally become enthusiastic about sharing what God has been doing in our lives. But I have realized that exercising restraint in my speech has allowed me to become more sensitive toward those who are not in the same season as I am.
It is easy for us to mourn with those who mourn, but because of sin, it can be difficult to genuinely rejoice with those who rejoice (Romans 12:15). I have learned this the hard way. I have observed that not everyone will rejoice with you in your victories, and whenever I find myself in a season of harvest, I have learned to share those victories with people whom I know will genuinely rejoice with me.
Through this, my compassion is growing for those who are walking through their own seasons of pruning and wilderness. After all, I am still in a season of pruning and wilderness myself, learning to trust what God is cultivating in me.
I have also come to appreciate the people around me who have patiently extended words of encouragement, ears willing to listen, and words of wisdom. As we grow older, I realize more deeply how much the way we use our tongues affects the way we live.
"When I look at the life and example of Jesus, I see how His speech was gentle yet full of wisdom. What the world may perceive as weakness, I have come to understand as controlled strength, a gentleness marked by wisdom, restraint, and a reflection of what is happening within."
This kind of gentleness is a fruit of His Spirit. When we abide in Him, we bear this fruit through the process of sanctification.
The mature Christian isn't necessarily the person who has the most eloquent words, nor the person who is always silent. It's the person whose words have come under the lordship of Christ, someone who learns when to speak, when to listen, when to celebrate, when to remain silent, and when to let God finish cultivating something before announcing it.
May we experience the kind of gentleness and self-control that only the power of Jesus can bring. And may you find this same power when you surrender your life to Him, the kind of power that transforms not only our speech and words, but also the heart from which they come.
Speaking life to you.
Sealing this with love,
FROI
#DoulosDos
